Hearing is Not Listening
There’s a reason that we use two words to describe this process of taking in sound. One is the passive acceptance of sound, while listening1 takes some effort. To listen attentively means an intention to truly understand what the speaker is saying, and this involves several actions which occur in less than split-second succession: ceasing what we’re doing at that moment, paying full attention (with eye contact, no devices present), comprehending what we’re seeing (nonverbal indications of mood, for example), and what we’re hearing, withholding judgment (setting aside our ego and our own needs of the moment), comprehending the speaker’s perspective, and preventing meandering thoughts from intruding (often triggered by what we’re hearing) thereby taking us out of the moment.
That’s an incredible amount of work!
When you do all (or most) of these things, you are truly making an effort to listen. And in doing so, you are embodying speech in a different way. You are ‘speaking’ nonverbally, with your eyes, with your body language, with your focus. Your listening language is not being conveyed by words, but by silence.
The incredible process I described is unique to human beings, and is simultaneously a physical, emotional, intellectual, and even a spiritual experience. Jewish tradition reflects this with the very word Shema that is part of the declarative sentence that many of us recite during the day2. While the word Shema is often translated (below) as ‘hear’ that’s not entirely accurate. The translation should be ‘listen’.
A Mussar3 middah (trait) called Shmiat HaOzen / שמיעת האוזן / attentive listening derives from the Hebrew root Shema / Sh-Mem-Ayin / Sh-M-A and is a spiritual practice to connect with each other and the Divine.
Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks (1948 - 2020) notes4 that it is odd that in “a religion that contains 613 commands, there is no Hebrew word that means obedience. The closest equivalent-shema-means not obedience but rather hearing, listening, striving to understand, internalising and responding in deed.”
Rabbi Norman Lamm (1927-2020), in the book Shema, affirms that embedded within the entire Shema prayer, and beginning with the first word, is a call to both spirituality and intention. He quotes the Chief Rabbi of Trier (1920 -1944):
Sound stands nearest to the purely spiritual among the phenomena of the world of the senses. Therefore, God has chosen it to be the medium of sensory revelation. Since what is heard is the least dimensional, it is easier to imagine it as something unlimited, and extendable into infinity, than what is visible or tactile. Sense and spirit mutually interact in hearing.
The opening word in this week’s portion, Va’etchanan, encapsulates the intense emotion Moses expressed when when he prays to Hashem to allow him to cross the Jordan in order to see the land promised to B’nai Yisrael. Moses’ prayer is heart wrenching and so real, his words evoking all the feelings of pain, rejection, and disappointment. After relaying to his people what his prayer to Hashem was, Moses then says: “But Hashem would not listen to me”. In this case, we can infer that Moses meant that Hashem did not do what I asked, as in: Hashem heard me, but didn’t really listen.
Often, when we pray, we might expect something in return, like a quid pro quo, as even our greatest teacher Moses did. However, our prayers are not for Hashem, they’re for us. We can assume that Hashem listens when we call out, but that doesn’t mean we get what we want. I heard this from one of my students: often when we pray we hope that God hears us. But really, what we should hope for is that we hear God.
Rabbi Ovadiah ben Jacob Sforno (c. 1470-1550) translates Shema Yisrael as “listen Israel with your mind open”. This translation reflects the deep and spiritual message that our minds need to be open to change, to leaving the comfort zone for one of discomfort. It is hard to change routines, expected outcomes, and traditional measures of success for an alternate scenario. Only by tackling new territory do we grow and reach higher spiritual heights.
Shmiat HaOzen is a mussar practice because at its core, it assumes that we are modest enough to put others’ needs before our own. There is also the recognition of a Higher Power that we defer to, by knowing that what we want might not necessarily be good for us5.
Shema is more than a command to hear—it’s an invitation to connect, to understand, and ultimately, to transform. When we make prayer a conversation, we expand our consciousness, making it ‘extendable to infinity’.
Can we meet the Holy One, in sound, in silence, and in the stillness of a fully present heart?
I’m referring here to an in-person interaction.
Shema Yisrael, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad / שְׁמַ֖ע יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל יְהֹוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֵ֖ינוּ יְהֹוָ֥ה ׀ אֶחָֽד׃ translated as: Hear, O Yisrael: The Lord our God; the Lord is one. (translation, The Koren Jerusalem Bible)
AI’s definition: “Mussar (also spelled Musar) is a Jewish spiritual practice focused on character development and ethical living. It emphasizes cultivating inner virtues (middot) to improve one's character and live a more meaningful and ethical life. Mussar provides a structured path to self-awareness, spiritual growth, and personal transformation through the study and practice of its teachings.” In addition, Mussar also describes the type of literature that expounds on these ideas and practices.
Covenant and Conversation: Deuteronomy, “Covenant Society”.
You might be thinking it, so I’ll say it: “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you’ll find you get what you need” - Lyric: You Can’t Always Get What You Want, Rolling Stones, 1969