Dealing with Upheaval

What character traits come up for us when we’re dealing with disappointment and change? How do we deal with instability and unsureness? What tools can we use to balance ourselves, to get ourselves back on the right path of hope and positivity?

In Mussar language, the trait of “Menuchat HaNefesh” refers to a state of equanimity, but literally means “calmness of the soul”. This parable is told as a way of introducing this trait:

There is a certain type of snake in the lands of America, a known enemy of a certain species of small birds. The bird flies in the air, stopping to rest atop a tree. The snake, seeing the bird from afar, slithers on its belly towards the tree and opens its mouth wide, angrily threatening to swallow the bird. When the bird sees the snake, it recognizes it as an enemy. It is seized with fright, its senses become paralyzed and it falls into the snake's mouth.¹

This story teaches us that when we freeze up from fear, we lose all sense of ourselves. But we can pick this story apart even further. It begins with the bird seeing the snake as an enemy, which causes all kinds of physiological changes in the bird…to its own detriment. The bird lost all ability to use its natural innate intelligence to flee, to fly away. Giving in to the ‘enemy’ created the fulfillment of its worst fear.

I don’t think the point of this story is that the we should ‘love our enemy’ and simply wish away its existence. Rather, we need to go to that place, deep within ourselves, in our souls, where we can think rationally. Our goal is to survive and thrive and we can bring that to our consciousness. Figuratively, having a ‘bird’s eye’ view of things—-which is what the bird in the parable gave up. We need to rise above tide waters that might engulf us by envisioning ourselves as a buoyant lifeboat, floating above the surface. Our ability to maintain objectivity despite the flurry of negativity around us is key.

In order to gain a calmness, there are many tools you can use, but I’ll offer just a few. Centering is a spiritual practice that is as simple as noticing your breath². Your breath is a gateway to your essence, and you need just a few moments in the day to practice this. If you’re spiritually inclined, you can express gratitude for your very breath to the One of All Being, putting your soul in a more restful and appreciative state.

Be out in nature. Take in beautiful scenery. Notice the bark on a tree. Sense the movement of wind. Realize you’re part of a bigger picture.

You can also do an activity which uses your natural talents. There are gifts you have that make you very special. Identify one, and when you allow time to devote to this, you are automatically fulfilling the very purpose of your soul, bringing a sense of calmness to your very being.

Finally, you can choose your response. Notice when you’re going down the dangerous path of paralyzing your natural inclination in favor of anger or despair. Don’t get eaten by the snake. Know it for what it is.

We are gifted with an intellect that allows us to rule over our baser instincts. Each and every day, you can begin with positivity.

1. Rabbi Menachem Mendel Lefin, Cheshbon HaNefesh (Accounting of the Soul), perek 68. Cheshbon HaNefesh is a guide to introspection and self-improvement written in the early 19th-century.

2. There are many practices for this. One is to inhale and exhale to the count of 4, evening out your breath with each set, perhaps lengthening the count to 5 or 6. Another popular method is to inhale to the count of 4, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. Do this several times.